Life's Simple Pleasures

My son, in his 16 months of life, has taught me a great deal about what really makes the world go 'round. There is nothing like watching a child discovering the world for the first time to make you stop and realize what is really and truly awesome. Here are a few wonders that I have rediscovered through the explorations of my little man...

1)Grass. It's everywhere. It's great wet. It's great dry. It smells good. I mean, what is there not to love about fresh, green summer grass. Of course, this is not a drug reference, less you be dialing DHS... I am talking about that lovely green stuff that grows in your front and back yard. My son loves that stuff! He likes to pick it and throw it in the air. He loves to roll in it. (This is a hobby he shares with our family dog.) The ultimate experience with this wonderous pleasure of life is when you are barefoot. Oh man..... awesome.

2)Cookies. In our adult world, we are so obsessed with calories, carbs, and high fructose corn syrup that we have long forgotten the great pleasure of cookies. My son, however.... he doesn't care about any of that aforementioned goop. He just gets him a big ol' bite and says "mmmmmm....".

3)Straws. You suck, the liquid comes up and quinches your thirst. You blow, and cool bubbles form in your drink. What's not to love??

4)Overhead Lights. We cannot walk into Walmart without my son immediately looking up, pointing, and giving a long and awe-inspired "Ooooohhhh!!" He is fascinated by those lights!! It's so sad how we take for granted the lights that allow us to live our day to day lives. But you know, it's not easy to grocery shop in the dark, now is it??

There are so many, many things that I have come to see through different eyes as I watch my son grow and explore his world, but all this blogging is taking away valuable time I could be out enjoying the world with him. So if you don't mind, I'm going to take off my shoes, grab a cookie, and walk around my yard awhile!

My Adventures in Sign Language

I am determined to teach my son infant sign language. Of course, I want him to learn to talk in full, eloquent sentences, but in the meantime, we are going to have to communicate better than a point and a grunt. Cavemen pointed and grunted. At least if my son is waving his hands around, he will have the appearance of better intelligence than a primitive neanderthal.

I have no real rhyme or reason for wanting to teach him this. I'm not one of these moms that buys into every program that comes along. I don't agree with the philosophy behind "Your Baby Can Read". Excuse me. I went to college for four years to teach children how to read, and never in that four years did I take a class on forcing children to watch DVDs and read flashcards in front of a camera. And I wouldn't but it even if it did work because that goofy graphic with the child's transparent head revealing his brain is just too weird. But.... I digress.

I have read where signing before speaking can enhance a child's language abilities. Need I say more? My child will be quoting Shakespear in no time. And in the meantime, it gives up something to do. I may be the only one who totally gets what that weird clap and finger wiggling means, but every mom and child has their own special bond, right?

I am in the process of teaching my son some basic signs. So far, we have mastered "ball." Great. At least he will have something to communicate when he feels the need for some recreational activity. We are also working on "thank you", but in true male form, that one does not seem to be sticking.

My husband AND my parents think I'm crazy for doing all this, and maybe I am. All I know is, when your sixteen month old and my sixteen month old are together in the gym, mine will be able to get the ball passed to him long before yours will. :)

The Anti-Caillou Movement

Every moment with my son is precious.... almost. I don't allow him much TV time, but there are times when I need to oh, I don't know, use the bathroom, when a little distraction for the TV is welcomed. We watch Baby First TV most of the time, but occasionally, we wander through the channels to seek out other sources of toddler entertaintment. Most of them, I can kind of get into. Wonder Pets is great. I find myself in stressful moments, giving my best Ming-Ming "This is SERIOUS!" seems to help things. There are, however, a few shows that I cannot stand. I'm sure the producers of these shows have good intentions, but they need to stop. Here are the few shows that make me irritable:

*HOLA Be'Be' on Baby First: This is the thirty daily minutes that Baby First TV dedicates to trying to teach my child to speak Spanish. No thanks. Once we can successfully master English, maybe we'll talk. The best I can get is a pointed finger and a grunt right now. The last thing I need is a string of Spanish garble to add to the confusion.

*The Backyardigans: It's scientifically inaccurate, which just annoys the heck out of my inner nerd. Penguins cannot live in a urban settings and even if they did, they would not make friends with moose. Duh.

*Yo Gabba Gabba: Is is just me, or is that red guy horribly inappropriate.

*Finally.... the worst of the worst.... the horriblest of the horrible...

CAILLOU.

For starters, why is he bald? And what kind of name is that? Does Caillou mean "obnoxious" in some foreign language?

Whoever writes this garbage is deserving of the death penalty. What this show promotes, with reckless abandon, is whining and a false sense of superiority. Caillou looses his cat. The whole friggin' town stops what they're doing to look for the cat. Caillou wants to go the park. Mommy and Daddy, who must have lost their jobs because of this little rat, stop all important activities to take Caillou to the park. Even the narrator seems put out with this little turkey. This show is awful.... just plain awful. I would hope with all the technology of our modern world, we could put an end to public abuse such as this. Seriously, we all need to start sporting our Anti-Calliou Awareness Ribbons daily until our government hears our cries.

You paint the protest signs. I'll call my congressman. Right after I use the bathroom first.

Where the heck have I been?

I'm back... did you miss me? I have neglected my blog for far too long. I have had many thoughts and observations over the past few months that would have made for great reading had they processed themselves out into writing, but alas... there was fun to be had and diapers to be changed. Fear not, however, for school is back in session and I'm back with the program.

Here's something I wish to discuss with everyone. The Amish.

Now, I know I can talk very candidly here because 1) there aren't any Amish reading this and 2) if there are, well, you're not a very good Amish now are you?

I am fascinated with the Amish. I'm not going to lie here... they are an absolute novelty in my view. They live life as purely and simply as they possibly can. No cars. No electricity. No zippers for crying out loud!! For most of us, that last one would be enough to put us over the edge.

I am writing this in light of a recent encounter with the Amish. I was about to embark on my first kayaking trip. We were unloading our kayaks into the river when a strange *clomp**clomp* came up behind us. And what to my wandering eye should appear??? A horse-drawn buggy FULL of Amish!!! I have always heard that Amish will not communicate with "outsiders", but clearly these guys were a bit on the liberal side. They pulled up and began conversing. The best I could get out was some goofy-sounding squeak as I was too awe-struck to even talk. I had so many questions. I had s many, MANY questions. But all I could do was listen with child-like wonder while my father in law discussed river depths with the bearded gentleman.

I never did get a question in. I did, however, notice one thing as they pulled away to continue on their way home. Tucked under the seat of the plainly-dressed Amish man driving the horse and buggy was a half-empty bottle of Mt. Dew. Wow. I never knew we had so much in common.

Now, if you'll excuse me, all this blogging seems to have exhausted me. I'm going to go turn off the air condition, sit in a dark room with my carbonated beverage and pretend to be Amish for awhile.... or at least until Maury comes on.

Awesome Ramen...

I have a confession to make: I'm a total hypocrite. Up to now, I have been the health food Nazi when it comes to my son's diet. He has no access to processed foods, no unnecessary sugars, and no high fructose corn syrup because it just sounds dangerous. But that's him.... my eating habits are a whole different story. While I do stive to eat healthy, there is something about overly processed, high sodium junk foods that makes my mouth water.

Topping the list of my guilty food pleasures are the cheap and delicious Ramen Noodles. I did not feast on these in college, as most of my classmates did. I was feasting on these delicious delicacies long before that. These have been and will continue to be a lifelong love affair. Maybe it's the MSG.

I have really thought this out, and can tell you exactly what is is about Ramen Noodles that makes them so fantastic:

(1) They come in meat flavors, yet contain no actual meat. They give you that "Yeah, I'm a vegetarian" feeling.

(2) Two words: Spicy. Chicken.

(3) The noodles resemble worms, which is really cool when either are a kid or have a kid.

(4) They provide you with dining options: You can (a) break them apart and make them easier to eat on the go (b) water them down and just drink them if you're really on the go (c) leave them long for more refined dining.

(5) Last but not least.... they are cheap! Usually less than a quarter. Up your's Dollar Menu!

As I complete this post, my mind is already beginning to wander over toward the kitchen cabinet where I know I will be faced with an intense dilemma: chicken or beef. Spicy chicken you say? I already ate those like an hour ago...

The Good, The Bad, The Really Bad...

I have a question, Ladies... Of course you love being a mom, but do you, at times, find your child just plain gross? I'm not ashamed to admit that there are a very few things about my otherwise gorgeous son that are so off-putting, they are downright abominidable. I have thought this through, and of the 100,000,008 (yes, I counted...) things I LOVE about being a mom, there are a few things that on paper would make the job seem less appealing. Here are a few of things I considered to be vomit-inducing:

(3) Diaper Rash: Picture it. You're getting your precious bundle ready for his bath. He's wiggly. He's giggly. He's...covered in red, itchy, irritated bumps all over his rear. Nothing puts a stain on a good evening like red, ithcy baby butt. And of course, good ol' Mom is the one who gets to rub that vile-smelling ointment all over it. Gross.

(2)Spit Up: My son has a game he likes to play in the morning. The rules of the game are simple: See how much spit up I can get on mom without her noticing and leaving the house looking and smelling like the side of a dumpster. Extra points if you succeed on Sunday morning before church. Lane-1, Mom-0.

(1) Boogers: I don't know if this is normal or not, but my precious, perfect angel has these strange anomalies that appear in his nose from time to time. They appear to be boogers, but could be meteors for all I know. These things are huge! Viewable from most satellite imagery! And they position themselves right out of the realm of the average Kleenex. They slowly make their way down and eventually join in the fun of the spit-up game.

Honorable Mention: Loud baby farts, sucking on his own toes, and eating dog food. Gross. Gross. Gross.

As gross as he can be sometimes...a lot of times... I love my son so dearly along with all his messes. I love him and Pepto Bismol. Those boogers are HUGE, I tell you!

Mom Moments I

We all have them, ladies. Mom's are generally harmless creatures: we nuture, we provide, we protect. But, we all have those moments when we do things and either after, or often during, we think WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING!! While on my way from home today, I ended up behind a vehicle driving painfully slow. I'm all for safe driving, but this was beyond my level of patience. I went to pass, convinced that I would see one of two people behind the wheel: a terrified first timer, or a bewildered old timer. What I saw instead... and I must share this so as not to be alone in my trauma... was a woman BREASTFEEDING! While driving, people!! Now, I'll be the first to admit that more often than is comfortable to admit, I act before thinking. And, I've been in the car with a screaming, hungry infant, but never...NEVER... have I felt to take the concept of multi-tasking to that extreme. It would not have been so bad, except for this was not the first sighting of this nursing neanderthol. I have actually passed this woman, in this same situation, once before! I suppose those who do not learn from their mistakes are doomed to repeat them. Well, I for one took note. Moral of the story: If you're going to breastfeed while driving, make sure you can drive the speed limit while you do it. Otherwise, I might rear-end you while applying my make-up and sending a text.

The Methods of my Madness....

If you are new to my blog, welcome. You have entered the thoughts and opinions of a fabulous, young mom trying best she can to make sense of this crazy world. My name is Beth Cooper, like the movie but not as stupid. This blog will chronical the ups and downs of my life's rollercoaster, and the observations I make along the way. Please do not remove your seatbelt until the ride comes to a complete halt.... and it will be a while, so you will need a snack. Enjoy!