Smile Awkwardly for the Camera!

Have I ever mentioned that I'm a teacher? Well, I'm a teacher. It's one of my many hats. Anyway, one of my LEAST favorite days in the education field is PICTURE DAY. Oh, dreaded of days! It's the day when we all dress up in the clothes that are uncomfortable at church, wear them to school for a whole day, and cannot soil or wrinkle them for risk of upsetting our mothers. And the shoes? Oh the shoes. Forget recess... ain't happenin'. We go through all this torture only to have one of two things happen 1) our picture is snapped before we ever even get situated on that that ridiculous little stool and end up looking as though we belong in the film "The Hills Have Eyes", or 2) we are bossed relentlessly by an OCD photographer until our muscles are so contorted we completely collapse and end up looking like we belong in the film "The Hills Have Eyes." It's a bad day. A bad, bad day. Of course, the full scope of badness is not discovered until years later when one of those pictures ends up on a friend's facebook page because they found it in a drawer and decided to invite the world into your "ackward stage." Sadly, none of this gets any better once you step into the role of the teacher. You will share the responsibilty of a bad photo, regardless of how hard you tried to keep them away from the mud puddle. And yes, teachers get their picture taken also, which adds to the overall sense of chaos of the day. The only light at the end of the tunnel is if you happen to be blessed with a group of kids with a good sense of humor, so when the pictures come in, you can all laugh together and share in the relief that it doesn't have to happen again until Spring.

Where the heck have I been?

You know, I'm not a good blogger. I run hit and miss with this thing, though my thoughts never do. But hey, life happens. In the midst of my absence, I have been blessed with another baby boy! I have been peed on more times that I care to count, accepted the fact that I will never sleep in again, and have come to terms with the fact that God created grass so little boys could eat it. I will be honest, I have lamented the fact that having a little girl is not in the cards for me. But being the mom of boys is pretty darn awesome! Here are a few things I love about being the mother of boys:
1. Being stuck in road construction is no longer a stressful situation. It is awesome!
2. Monster. Trucks. ('nough said)
3. You get to play with legos. Like, all the time...
4. They can pee anywhere.
and 5. Bodily functions, once undesireable and embarrassing, are now humorous and often encouraged.

Of course, there's the bit about how much they love their momma's and stuff... but that's the mushy, unfunny stuff best left for another blog.

Life's Simple Pleasures

My son, in his 16 months of life, has taught me a great deal about what really makes the world go 'round. There is nothing like watching a child discovering the world for the first time to make you stop and realize what is really and truly awesome. Here are a few wonders that I have rediscovered through the explorations of my little man...

1)Grass. It's everywhere. It's great wet. It's great dry. It smells good. I mean, what is there not to love about fresh, green summer grass. Of course, this is not a drug reference, less you be dialing DHS... I am talking about that lovely green stuff that grows in your front and back yard. My son loves that stuff! He likes to pick it and throw it in the air. He loves to roll in it. (This is a hobby he shares with our family dog.) The ultimate experience with this wonderous pleasure of life is when you are barefoot. Oh man..... awesome.

2)Cookies. In our adult world, we are so obsessed with calories, carbs, and high fructose corn syrup that we have long forgotten the great pleasure of cookies. My son, however.... he doesn't care about any of that aforementioned goop. He just gets him a big ol' bite and says "mmmmmm....".

3)Straws. You suck, the liquid comes up and quinches your thirst. You blow, and cool bubbles form in your drink. What's not to love??

4)Overhead Lights. We cannot walk into Walmart without my son immediately looking up, pointing, and giving a long and awe-inspired "Ooooohhhh!!" He is fascinated by those lights!! It's so sad how we take for granted the lights that allow us to live our day to day lives. But you know, it's not easy to grocery shop in the dark, now is it??

There are so many, many things that I have come to see through different eyes as I watch my son grow and explore his world, but all this blogging is taking away valuable time I could be out enjoying the world with him. So if you don't mind, I'm going to take off my shoes, grab a cookie, and walk around my yard awhile!

My Adventures in Sign Language

I am determined to teach my son infant sign language. Of course, I want him to learn to talk in full, eloquent sentences, but in the meantime, we are going to have to communicate better than a point and a grunt. Cavemen pointed and grunted. At least if my son is waving his hands around, he will have the appearance of better intelligence than a primitive neanderthal.

I have no real rhyme or reason for wanting to teach him this. I'm not one of these moms that buys into every program that comes along. I don't agree with the philosophy behind "Your Baby Can Read". Excuse me. I went to college for four years to teach children how to read, and never in that four years did I take a class on forcing children to watch DVDs and read flashcards in front of a camera. And I wouldn't but it even if it did work because that goofy graphic with the child's transparent head revealing his brain is just too weird. But.... I digress.

I have read where signing before speaking can enhance a child's language abilities. Need I say more? My child will be quoting Shakespear in no time. And in the meantime, it gives up something to do. I may be the only one who totally gets what that weird clap and finger wiggling means, but every mom and child has their own special bond, right?

I am in the process of teaching my son some basic signs. So far, we have mastered "ball." Great. At least he will have something to communicate when he feels the need for some recreational activity. We are also working on "thank you", but in true male form, that one does not seem to be sticking.

My husband AND my parents think I'm crazy for doing all this, and maybe I am. All I know is, when your sixteen month old and my sixteen month old are together in the gym, mine will be able to get the ball passed to him long before yours will. :)

The Anti-Caillou Movement

Every moment with my son is precious.... almost. I don't allow him much TV time, but there are times when I need to oh, I don't know, use the bathroom, when a little distraction for the TV is welcomed. We watch Baby First TV most of the time, but occasionally, we wander through the channels to seek out other sources of toddler entertaintment. Most of them, I can kind of get into. Wonder Pets is great. I find myself in stressful moments, giving my best Ming-Ming "This is SERIOUS!" seems to help things. There are, however, a few shows that I cannot stand. I'm sure the producers of these shows have good intentions, but they need to stop. Here are the few shows that make me irritable:

*HOLA Be'Be' on Baby First: This is the thirty daily minutes that Baby First TV dedicates to trying to teach my child to speak Spanish. No thanks. Once we can successfully master English, maybe we'll talk. The best I can get is a pointed finger and a grunt right now. The last thing I need is a string of Spanish garble to add to the confusion.

*The Backyardigans: It's scientifically inaccurate, which just annoys the heck out of my inner nerd. Penguins cannot live in a urban settings and even if they did, they would not make friends with moose. Duh.

*Yo Gabba Gabba: Is is just me, or is that red guy horribly inappropriate.

*Finally.... the worst of the worst.... the horriblest of the horrible...

CAILLOU.

For starters, why is he bald? And what kind of name is that? Does Caillou mean "obnoxious" in some foreign language?

Whoever writes this garbage is deserving of the death penalty. What this show promotes, with reckless abandon, is whining and a false sense of superiority. Caillou looses his cat. The whole friggin' town stops what they're doing to look for the cat. Caillou wants to go the park. Mommy and Daddy, who must have lost their jobs because of this little rat, stop all important activities to take Caillou to the park. Even the narrator seems put out with this little turkey. This show is awful.... just plain awful. I would hope with all the technology of our modern world, we could put an end to public abuse such as this. Seriously, we all need to start sporting our Anti-Calliou Awareness Ribbons daily until our government hears our cries.

You paint the protest signs. I'll call my congressman. Right after I use the bathroom first.

Where the heck have I been?

I'm back... did you miss me? I have neglected my blog for far too long. I have had many thoughts and observations over the past few months that would have made for great reading had they processed themselves out into writing, but alas... there was fun to be had and diapers to be changed. Fear not, however, for school is back in session and I'm back with the program.

Here's something I wish to discuss with everyone. The Amish.

Now, I know I can talk very candidly here because 1) there aren't any Amish reading this and 2) if there are, well, you're not a very good Amish now are you?

I am fascinated with the Amish. I'm not going to lie here... they are an absolute novelty in my view. They live life as purely and simply as they possibly can. No cars. No electricity. No zippers for crying out loud!! For most of us, that last one would be enough to put us over the edge.

I am writing this in light of a recent encounter with the Amish. I was about to embark on my first kayaking trip. We were unloading our kayaks into the river when a strange *clomp**clomp* came up behind us. And what to my wandering eye should appear??? A horse-drawn buggy FULL of Amish!!! I have always heard that Amish will not communicate with "outsiders", but clearly these guys were a bit on the liberal side. They pulled up and began conversing. The best I could get out was some goofy-sounding squeak as I was too awe-struck to even talk. I had so many questions. I had s many, MANY questions. But all I could do was listen with child-like wonder while my father in law discussed river depths with the bearded gentleman.

I never did get a question in. I did, however, notice one thing as they pulled away to continue on their way home. Tucked under the seat of the plainly-dressed Amish man driving the horse and buggy was a half-empty bottle of Mt. Dew. Wow. I never knew we had so much in common.

Now, if you'll excuse me, all this blogging seems to have exhausted me. I'm going to go turn off the air condition, sit in a dark room with my carbonated beverage and pretend to be Amish for awhile.... or at least until Maury comes on.

Awesome Ramen...

I have a confession to make: I'm a total hypocrite. Up to now, I have been the health food Nazi when it comes to my son's diet. He has no access to processed foods, no unnecessary sugars, and no high fructose corn syrup because it just sounds dangerous. But that's him.... my eating habits are a whole different story. While I do stive to eat healthy, there is something about overly processed, high sodium junk foods that makes my mouth water.

Topping the list of my guilty food pleasures are the cheap and delicious Ramen Noodles. I did not feast on these in college, as most of my classmates did. I was feasting on these delicious delicacies long before that. These have been and will continue to be a lifelong love affair. Maybe it's the MSG.

I have really thought this out, and can tell you exactly what is is about Ramen Noodles that makes them so fantastic:

(1) They come in meat flavors, yet contain no actual meat. They give you that "Yeah, I'm a vegetarian" feeling.

(2) Two words: Spicy. Chicken.

(3) The noodles resemble worms, which is really cool when either are a kid or have a kid.

(4) They provide you with dining options: You can (a) break them apart and make them easier to eat on the go (b) water them down and just drink them if you're really on the go (c) leave them long for more refined dining.

(5) Last but not least.... they are cheap! Usually less than a quarter. Up your's Dollar Menu!

As I complete this post, my mind is already beginning to wander over toward the kitchen cabinet where I know I will be faced with an intense dilemma: chicken or beef. Spicy chicken you say? I already ate those like an hour ago...